My First Fan Mail

***** This is a blog post written from the perspective of the protagonist of my novel "Rediscovering Reality" and is a work of Fiction. Read this blog post if you would like to know the general premise of the book: I Wrote A Book *****

October 24th, 2013

My First Fan Mail

I've never once thought I would be in a position where I would talk about receiving fan mail. Mostly because it doesn't make sense. I don't have fans. I have NPCs that my brain has created to convince me that all of this is somehow real. I still don't understand why my brain would ever believe that it would be realistic for for someone to care enough about what I have to write to send me an email. Yet, somehow here we are.

I've been writing this blog for 16 years now. I had my 15 seconds of fame. I've been a guest at comic conventions. I've been interviewed on television shows. Realistically, it's not too far-fetched for there to be someone out there that managed to find my blog and somehow observe something in my plight that they relate to in some way.

It's a strange thought. I spend so much time thinking about how nothing is real and that I'm just...I don't know, waiting to die? Whenever something comes around that makes me question that, it's just hard to wrap my brain around. That being said, the letter I received was very kind. It was very thoughtful. Crimson, if all of this is real, and you are a real person then I genuinely thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking the time out of your day to send something to me.

You genuinely seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders and that you just happen to be going through some rough times right now. I can relate. I think a lot of people can relate. It often feels like the rough times are so much more prevalent than the good times. I know I tend to use WAY TOO MANY Matrix quotes and analogies, but it reminds me of that line from Agent Smith. I'm heavily paraphrasing this, but it's something along the lines of that humans are defined by their suffering. That the machines tried to create a perfect world for the humans, but that it didn't work, because the human mind constantly tried to reject it.

My reality, if you can call it a reality, isn't all that dissimilar when you think about it. It's easier for me to believe that I'm living my life in my subconscious, that my real body is being preserved somewhere with tubes and wires and machines, than it is for me to conceive that I wasn't hit by a car on that fateful day and that all of this is real. Every now and then I like to hypothesize that it never happened. Maybe the car swerved out of the way at the last minute. Maybe Superman flew out of the sky and carried me to safety. Every possibility I can conceive of is just as unrealistic as the next.

The most unrealistic of all is that people would want to read this for all of these years. Who would want to read a blog post about a person that believes they were hit by a car and have been living their life in their subconscious? Every post is basically just a minor variation of the previous, because nothing really changes. My existence...doesn't change.

I'm sure you're probably reading this, Crimson. Thank you. If you are real. Thank you. I've received tons of comments over the year from people that think I'm a lunatic, people that think there's something wrong with me, and those are the kinds of things that make sense. Those are the kinds of things that I can see my brain thinking would be realistic. Those are the kinds of comments I received when I was young, because I would talk slow or my hands would shake or because I would sometimes stutter. Real life people are cruel. So of course my brain would present me with fake people...that are also cruel.

What I never expected my brain to present me with is someone that would be genuinely nice to me such as yourself Crimson. Thank you for telling me about yourself. I believe that you are fully capable of accomplishing whatever you set yourself up to, but if you want to become a mechanic then you should. You have the smarts. It seems like you have the technical acumen to know what you're doing and learn quickly.

Please keep writing. I would love to keep updated on what's going on in your life and hear how everything is going in terms of achieving your goals. If any of my other brain NPCs would like to write me then please feel free to do so. I've been considering starting a weekly or every other week segment called "Letters to Tom." That's me. I'm Tom.

So brain children. If you have anything you would like to ask me then feel free to do so. This ended up being way longer than I intended it to be. Especially for it to largely be a recanting of what I've said a million times already about how I believe that none of you are real, but here we are. I continue writing these every day because my therapist makes me, and it's the only reason that mysterious person continues to give me money.

At least I think it's the only reason the mysterious person continues to give me money. I've never tried taking a break from writing these to see if the money would continue to arrive. It just feels like it's part of the algorithm that is my reality. If the variable that is the blog goes away then so would the money.

Anyway...I'm trailing off again. Thanks to me, and my brain children, for reading the things that are written by...also me.